Be An Ambassador To Humanity!

All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence. – Martin Luther King Jr., a leader in the American civil rights movement who established himself as one of the greatest orators in U.S. history with his “I Have A Dream” speech.

 The other day after completing an emotional 4 day coaching session, I found myself in the airport a bit dazed and confused so I decided to accept the offer to upgrade my seat to a more comfortable business class. The $49 dollar charge seemed a small price to pay for a solid 3 hour nap with my Ipod tuned to some light classical lullabies; only to arrive at the gate and find my flight delayed due to weather problems. I quickly hustled to customer service to secure a seat on an earlier delayed flight scheduled to leave at my original time, but with no promise that I could keep my upgraded seat. By some turn of fate, I ended up on the plane in business class destined for home. As I boarded, my seat mate greeted me with an extra big smile and began to tell me about his own ordeal that had him bouncing around the country with a 9 hour delay. What was most remarkable about this elderly gentleman was that he told the tale with a constant chuckle and an obviously pleasing personality…but there was even more…

I grew more curious as I spoke to this man whose name was Ananda W.P. Guruge. Inherent in the surname is ‘guru’ or teacher and something told me to dig deeper. Although we were both exhausted there seemed new life bread into each of us as we discussed his background. Of Sri Lankan descent, Ananda, had served as the Sri Lankan ambassador to the United States and was currently enjoying a position as a professor of Eastern Religion. My knowledge of an ambassador’s duties were limited so I asked him to explain his functions, which lead to a discussion of how he had once headed a group of 180 different interest groups that needed to come to a common conclusion. Not only was the number large but the cultures involved were also many. How do you get people like that to even begin to agree? Ananda explained how he would recognize that each and every group had an opinion that needed to be expressed yet that ultimately he would appeal to the fact that in spite of their differences they were ALL still human. Injecting his infectious humor, he would poke fun at himself to help them see that he too was human and not someone to be revered, appealing to the commonality of humanity. This humble approach would have them all at ease, which increased the opportunities to find common ground and reach compromises.

So why can’t we all be ambassadors like this? What is so hard about seeing ourselves in this humanistic light? Why are we so quick to look for the differences? When you sit down across the table from a prospect or new acquaintance do you look for the differences first or do you open your ears, ask good questions and find that place where you agree? Don’t you see that if we first build a foundation upon agreements and similarities then we feel much better about compromising? Like Ananda, don’t take yourself so seriously. Learn to laugh more at yourself to reveal that you are truly human; it just makes other people feel more comfortable and relaxed so that they begin to reveal what’s fascinating about them! Had I chosen to roll into that airplane seat, turn to the window and turn away from this man from another place and culture, I might have just missed the greatest 3 hour, $49 dollar education I have had in a long time! At the end of our conversation, we realized that although on the outside we were quite different, we were no different at all at the core. We were simply two human beings that had dedicated their lives to learning and passing it on! So take this lesson and go become your own ambassador to humanity!

P.S. Ananda, this post could never do justice to the deep journey we took together. For that time I am grateful!

 

Why Don’t We Want To Believe That Everything Is Really Simple?

 

Things should be made as simple as possible, but not any simpler. – Albert Einstein, world renowned theoretical physicist who at the age of 16 first performed his famous thought experiment visualizing himself traveling alongside a beam of light.

 

In the 14^th century the English logician William of Ockham founded the principle that states the explanation of any phenomenon should make as few assumptions as possible, eliminating those that make no difference in the observable predictions of the explanatory hypothesis or theory…in ‘simple terms’…all other things equal, the simplest solution is the best! So think about that for a minute…have you ever watched a murder mystery and tried desperately to figure out in some complicated way “who done it” only to find out it was the obvious choice. I think the writers of these shows just toy with us knowing all the while that humans have this need to over think and complicate everything. We can’t get out of our own way! Why?

 

See the problem is that we have the ability to reason and be a thinker, so ironically, that which puts us at the top of the food chain is our very own Achilles heel! The root of this problem seems to lay hidden in the depths of our own insecurities. We have an unbelievable desire to appear smart, but instead of engaging in productive conversation with other people we shrink in embarrassment because what if we say something that is wrong? What if we look stupid? What if the other person laughs at us? Sound a bit neurotic…because it is? The very fact that we are ‘smart’ leads to our own paralysis because we get caught up in over thinking EVERYTHING! I would even argue that this is the foundation for almost all our fears. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not suggesting that you turn your brain off and run headlong into disaster throwing all caution to the wind; but I am definitely saying that we need to use Ockham’s razor as a thinking tool to cut through the nonsensical mental rantings about why we can’t do something or why we can’t figure it out!

 

Have you ever noticed how some seemingly stupid people have accomplished so much? As you sit in your personal jail grumbling “how does an idiot like that have so much more than I do?” Well maybe the ‘idiot part’ is a clue? I would argue that more simple minded people do in fact achieve more because they more easily see the simple facts of life…maybe smart is actually not the greatest trait. Ever hear of somebody that has multiple degrees and is penniless? So what’s the point? Stop over thinking things! Your gut is the area of the body that is the “simplicity recognition” center that is more often than not being high jacked by the “brain gremlins” that mess with the communication pathway between the brain and the gut. I am a fan of “the first instinct theory” which has an alarm system in your belly. So before you go mad over thinking your life, take a minute to look for the most simple solution and go with it! Always remember to Keep It Simple Stupid!

Slaying The Complaint Dragon!

Be the change you want to see in the world. – Mahatma Gandhi, the pioneer of resistance to tyranny through civil disobedience in a completely non-violent way, which lead India to independence and inspired movements for civil rights and freedom across the world.

 

I find myself currently in the midst of an economic period that includes an overwhelming amount of negative news. I do empathize with the news media as it has become obvious that unless they lather their respective product with the stories of the down trodden, then it’s most likely they will see a dramatic decline in sales. The danger in this of course is that it breeds contempt on the part of those who take this drivel in as part of their steady diet. In other words, if you read or listen to enough of this garbage, your vision of the world will certainly become jaded and increasingly negative. Of course it’s not really your fault because you are forced to listen or watch on a regular basis especially when you are relaxed and your guard is down…BUT…

 

…you can certainly stop yourself from complaining. Maybe it’s the fact that I have five kids under the age of twelve at the time of this writing that has me on edge…but I can’t stand complaints. It would be less painful if I put a huge chalk board in my house and had someone scratch on it all day! And yes I do mean it! It’s bad enough when kids do this, that’s just a rite of passage to a certain extent, but when adults do it, it’s disheartening. Nothing takes the steam out of my sails more than when I hear an adult launch a series of complaints. The point of this whole matter is that life serves up a steady flow of curve balls and you should be ready for that…what are you really expecting? That each and every day you roll out of bed the stock market will be on an upward tear, the price of your house will have doubled and even better your salary tripled…your kids are all dressed for school and miraculously breakfast is served!! Even if you hang around Disney’s utopia long enough, I’m sure you’ll start complaining about the long lines, it’s too hot, the turkey legs are cold, the merry-go-round makes you dizzy! Madness!

 

See the real problem here is that our subconscious has been fed the message that it’s ok to complain about anything and everything. Ironically we often complain about the things that we have absolutely no control over whatsoever! I know this might seem like a harmless challenge to stop your complaining, yet it goes much deeper into our previous conversation about commitment. As discussed previously, we recognize that we have an auto response mechanism that once we make a commitment we will automatically bend our behavior to be congruent with that commitment. I would argue that a complaint is actually an affirmation of the way we really feel about something. In other words a commitment of our principles or heart…right or wrong! Think about it, have you ever complained about the behavior of a spouse, family member or friend? (For all of you in denial…that’s a rhetorical question!) Once you express that complaint you make an inherent commitment to that thought and begin to look for only that evidence that will support that original complaint, while completely ignoring any fact that might contradict your faulty complaint. I see this happen in business negotiation all the time where one side will complain, commit to that complaint and completely derail the deal.

 

So hopefully you see how this all comes together. You must realize that complaining is certainly a mental dragon that is worth slaying! The first step is to recognize that complaining finds its direct roots in the amount of negative news and thoughts you allow to germinate in your head. The next step is to listen to your words…do you complain about how things are and opine on how they ought to be…chances are you’re a chronic complainer. Finally, you must invoke the good cop bad cop technique and tell yourself the truth about your own behavior…be responsible for what you can control, your thoughts and spoken words! If you follow these safeguard steps you’ll open up the opportunity to become a problem solver, and trust me when I say that this will be a much more satisfying way to live because nobody likes a complainer! Especially me!

Good Cop Bad Cop!

We know the truth, not only by the reason, but also by the heart. – Blaise Pascal, 17^th Century French mathematician, physicist and religious philosopher

 

Just simply turn on your television any given night and you’ll find some show featuring cops interrogating someone…whether fictitious or reality this stuff must get super ratings or it would never be so prolific. The best part of these cop shows is definitely the interrogation as the cops move in on the culprit in search of a confession. Getting the truth out of these people is like pulling teeth but the cops persist. Although there are many techniques, there is none more dramatic than the “good cop, bad cop” approach. With both cops in the room, the first one plays the role of the bad guy…directly accusing the suspect of the crime and promising many years behind bars. The scene usually escalates to the point where the bad cop has risen to a boiling point basically intimidating the witness. In contrast the good cop promises that he will use his connections to see that the sentence is reduced if the suspect will simply comply and confess. The technique is effective because it gives the suspect the impression that there is actually someone on their side, rooting for them to do the right thing…ultimately, it’s a small step to a complete confession.

 

What’s remarkable is that we even need this type of technique at all. Why is that we have to be scared to the point of the ultimate penalty in order to be moved to take action. It’s not just the suspects in a criminal case, it’s all of us. Think about that! How often have you been pushed to the limit where you had to take drastic measures in order to complete a simple task? It happens in colleges all over the world…the last minute cram study session to avoid failing a class that leads students to pull the “all nighter.” For what? All they have to do is eat the elephant one bite at a time and study a little bit each day and slowly accumulate the knowledge. How about the attorney who prepares for a case well into the night before the trial? Maybe we all need a bad cop to show up on our door step on a regular basis and threaten us with what could really go wrong if we don’t get moving in the right direction!

 

My mother always used the bad cop’s psychology and would deliver her medicine in the form of a “truth pill.” Any time that I was off track, she could see my effort slipping and would drop one of her truth bombs on me only to send me reeling and agonizing all the while knowing I was hearing the truth. Have you ever had a teacher that you couldn’t stand only to look back years later and be grateful they had the guts to tell you exactly what you were doing wrong? How about a tough coach? A strong parent? Harsh advice from a close friend? That’s right; you see them now don’t you! The bad cops have been all around us but we never really give them the credit they deserve because we’d rather fight them for giving it to us straight! We’d rather keep our head in the sand instead of taking 100% responsibility! Did you ever quit a sports team because the coach was mean? Ever leave a job because the boss actually had the nerve to tell you that your work effort was below par? Ever get mad at the teacher when they told you that you were not giving it your all? So if you’re looking for the bad cop…here I am! In this politically correct world where the bad cops can no longer get away with their techniques, you might just have to be your own bad cop! Give yourself your own truth pill and take responsibility for everything you do. Instead of pointing your finger at the rest of the world, grab your elbow, turn your arm around and make sure your finger is pointed right between your own eyes. You are the only true suspect in your own life!